Still in DC, thinking of Mali

It's Sunday, so I've got some free time on my hands; thought I might start another blog and see how far it goes. I think I've had one or two before that I put a few entries in. I'm sure no one ever read them, though, and I forgot about them rather quickly. However, having a blog could be a good way to keep people updated as to what's going on with me, and to record some of what's going on.

Got my invitation to go serve in Mali with the Peace Corps starting this july (two months from now) about three weeks ago. I've gone through this weird gamut of feelings since then, some related to Mali in particular, but a lot having to do with leaving DC. I came here almost a year ago because, well I'm not sure why- I interned here the summer of 2005 and remember a distinct feeling of being happy to leave for whatever reason. But then sometime senior year at Bryn Mawr, things changed and there seemed to be a lot of good reasons to go to DC. I had been planning to go off to France to teach English, but that plan began to seem less and less practical, money-wise and just for other reasons, such as that I don't really like being the teacher in a classroom setting, something that could definitely get in the way of enjoying that job. And then there was the fact that I wanted a social life after boarding myself up in Canaday Library with a bunch of books for most of senior year. It seemed like DC, where there are a lot of young people interested in social justice issues, a lot of group houses and so on, would be a more likely place to build a healthy social circle than some French country village.

I don't know, it's odd how these choices get made. I think I had some vague idea of what my life would be like here that seemed very idealistic and utopianistic. Now considering Mali, I'm not sure how I feel. I think about it and half the time I think I'm just looking forward to getting back from being abroad and feeling as if I've "seen the world" and I can settle down. Part of me is so tired of leaving places and starting anew; I'm not sure how many more times I can do it.

I had some concept in my mind the summer I was here working at the Smithsonain, I think, that after graduation I would live everywhere for a couple of years- everywhere in the US, maybe go back to France, and then after I had lived everywhere I would decide where the best place was for me. I don't know that I really have the energy for that scenario, however. It occurred to me a few months ago that I should just do whatever feels right. Maybe it's not that important to have lived in California, Washington, Washington DC, Boston, all these places that I had in my mind, if that's not what I want to do. I can always settle somewhere and then move if I feel like I want to move when I want to move.

So I've been feeling a bit conflicted about the Mali invitation because I feel like I could stay in DC and be relatively happy. But I know in the end that I wouldn't be happy if I passed up a chance like this. Is that the right attitude to have, do you think? Is that the kind of feeling that should compell me to go or compell me to stay?

I got a book in the mail yesterday that I ordered a week ago or so, an introduction to the Bambara langugage. Bambara is the most widely-spoken local language in Mali. I don't know if it will be the language that they speak in my village, but I figure it's good to get a head-start on studying it anyway. Things I've learned so far: Bambara is a tonal language, meaning that the meaning of words differs based on how high or low the pitch you articulate them with is. The book said not to focus too much on what word is which pitch, however- rather to just try to imitate the way the instructor speaks on the audio recordings as much as possible.

I hope I have enough discipline to get myself to study this. My French-studying so far has been kind of put on the back burner. I've been listening to news stories on RFI.fr to try to get some listening practice and I bought a book by a Malian author- Le devoir de violence, by Yambo Ouologuem. So far I've made it through the first page (!) with a long list of vocab words that I had to look up multiple times. This relative lack of success at reading it so far has made me think about how I have a hard time getting myself to read French books for pleasure. It occurred to me that one of the reasons I have such a hard time reading in French for pleasure is that I have no deadline to have read the book by and I want to take the time to understand everything. On the other hand, when I read in French for a class, there is generally a deadline and I use this deadline to motivate me not only to get through the book but to tell myself that it's okay to just skip through some parts if I don't understand them, because I get the general sense and it's more important to get the job done.

I was also thinking lately of how my language-learning skill is so centered around the written word. I have a hard time even starting to get a handle on things until I can see things written out. I like everything to have an explanation and to be manifested visually. This could be part of the reason that I have such a hard time with the oral side of language-learning. I think I turn the whole process into a very academic thing; language-learning for me has thus far been largely about understanding a language enough that I can pass this test or that test, or write a paper. I've never really had to use foreign languages as a social tool before, aside from my stint in France. And given my relative shyness, it's not surprising that this part of language has not taken prominence in my mind. Kind of strange, since socializing is what language is all about.

Maybe my time in Mali will help me with this; help me take foreign language-learning out of the textbook context and into the much scarier, fluid, world of the spoken word.